The first half is quite well written. The rhythm is in full blush and almost bursting at the seams. An extension of the imagery used in the first half would be good. The change of tack at "I even envy other couples' fights" seems too rapid for me. But what am I typing? You have written another phenomenally decent poem.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-07-04 04:47 am (UTC)